its ok to not be ok

The last few weeks have been the worst weeks of my life. My family and I have had to deal with something we never thought we would have to go through. But, it has made me realise the impact and commonality of mental health and why there is so much more that can be done.

My gorgeous cousin decided it was time for him to pass onto another world, leaving us all heartbroken. I haven’t stopped crying in 2 weeks and I am not entirely sure I will stop. I just cannot believe it. But, in true me style, in order to grieve, I write. I write what I am feeling, hence this post.

Mental health is nothing to be ashamed of. It is more than ok to not be ok. I know this is easier said than done, but talk to someone. Your mum, sister, stranger, pet, whoever, but if you can seek help, it will help you.

I now have a big interest in mental health and raising awareness for mental illnesses. I truly admire all those suffering with mental illness. There is seriously nothing more terrifying than battling with your own mind everyday. I cannot begin to imagine what it is like, waking up every morning knowing that all those problems and thoughts are still there, and you cannot always ‘just sleep it off’. And then having to face each day with all those thoughts.

It is important that we all look out for our friends, team-mates and family, making sure they are ok, or not ok. It may just save someones life. Suicide may be the solution at the time, but it is not the answer. I will do anything to make sure I can raise awareness to save some lives. Even if this means going way out of my comfort zone, doing something like running a marathon (watch out 2019), or playing basketball!

I am completely heartbroken and speechless.

im back…

I decided to take a little break from my blogging. I needed some time to clear my head and become more positive and myself again. I have had a pretty hard past few weeks and have struggled to cope, but a weekend away with family and beginning to walk normally again has cleared my mind and I can say, I am back to my usual self and crutches free! I thought this day would never come!!

But, I thought I would talk a little about fathers day, but particularly, my own dad. For those who don’t know my dad, Peter or PK, he is definitely one of a kind (in a good way!). I have him to thank for my love of cricket, golf, tennis, beer and keeping up appearances (lol). My mum always gets really jealous and upset when dad and I make plans or do something without her, but she doesn’t realise that she probably wouldn’t really enjoy spending days watching test cricket.

I have found it a lot harder this year, being away from both my parents. Although I have lived out of home for four years now, I was always able to go ‘home’, if I needed a break, or they would come to Adelaide to see me. But, they have decided to travel, leaving Brodie and I to fend for ourselves. I got a phone call from mum on Sunday saying they needed a holiday from their holiday and so they booked to go to Bali, where they are now currently siting by a pool in a resort, while I am procrastinating doing my uni work. But, back to the point. I have always been very close to my parents. I love spending time with them, playing sport, going for coffee etc, so it has been very hard to not be able to do this. You don’t realise how good is it having them a few hours away, until you don’t see them for months.

But, PK. I personally think dad has bought me up as if I was a boy. Although, I did dance throughout my childhood, I also did Auskick and Have-a-go cricket. And today, I spend my time watching cricket, golf, footy or old British comedies, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am lucky to have such caring, supportive and just awesome parents, who encourage me to travel the world, live my dreams and just do me. It has been hard being sooo far away (some of us still have to work and study), but it makes me excited for the future (next year), where I can finally move back home, (to save money and have food cooked for me), but also to spend more time with PK and Lis.

Although belated, happy fathers day PK. You will always continue to crack me up, especially when I find your old cricket ‘yearbooks’, hey Kaitlin. You will also be the tea lady, whose hobbies are ten pin bowling and part time employment. I will always aspire to be just like you – when you hit a six after breaking your wrist two balls before, as well as drinking until 10:30pm, before going to hospital to have your wrist plastered. I heard you were plastered before your wrist? Love you xx

 

 

I AM BORED

hello and welcome back! as I now have a lot of time on my hands, I have decided to start writing a range of blogs, so I can post more regularly, (so I say)!

but the focus of todays blog, is coping with an injury. As many of you know (if you read my last blog, which I hope you have, you would know), that I had a little fall at netball. I was initially told I had tore my ACL, but I am now aware that this no longer the case. I saw an orthopaedic surgeon during the week, and I was told that I actually have a Tibia Fracture. According to google, ‘The tibia, or shinbone, is the most commonly fractured long bone in the body. A tibial shaft fracture occurs along the length of the bone, below the knee and above the ankle. It typically takes a major force to cause this type of broken leg.’  So yes, I have fractured this.

This is good news!!! This means that I am on my crutches for 4 weeks, and not allowed to put ANY pressure on my left leg at all, but I may not need surgery (yay!!). I am going back to see the surgeon in 6 weeks to see how the rehab/progress s going and then we will decide whether surgery is needed. I can tell you right now, it is super hard not to put any weight on my leg, like merely impossible…. Side note, I rolled my ankle last night (my right ankle – has been an occurring injury for me lately as well), so am now pretty crippled on both legs…. I go from icing my knee, to ankle, back to knee etc. I live a very exciting life!

But, back to the knee… so when I was told this, I was happy. But I was also upset. 4 weeks? Does that mean I can’t work for 4 weeks? I can’t grocery shop? I can’t basically do anything. I am going to die. For anyone who knows me, I can’t sit still. I can’t sit and watch Netflix for hours – I get sooo bored. I can only watch one movie and like a max of 2 episodes at once. I have to be doing something else. it could be snacking, on my phone, or like doing uni work, I just have to be busy. So you can probably already tell that I am going to struggle to stay put for 4 weeks…..

AND I also have the trouble of living in a double story house. Like these are all practical and well when you can walk on both legs, but when you are crippled.. who in their right mind thought building two houses on top of each other would be practical when someone is injured??? jeez… Like I have basically been living in the lounge room down stairs, as it is just too painful to keep walking up and down stairs. Plus its close to the freezer for my regular icing… my knee still looks like a balloon, gross.

I have had to take 4 weeks of work, which means no money, which also means that I won’t actually be able to afford to do much else. So I will literally be sitting at home. All day. For 4 weeks. I am already dreading this. Keeping active, healthy and busy is like my life. So imagine how I am feeling now this has all been taken away from me. I just don’t know how to feel. I’m lost. I’m unsure. I’m angry. I’m bored.

I AM SO BORED. I get messages from people asking how I am. The classic reply I send is something about how I am still really sore but I AM BORED. I can’t do anything. I hardly have any uni anymore, I hardly leave the house and if I do, its for an appointment. Nothing fun. I can’t even stand up longer than 10 minutes to do the dishes without being in pain and telling myself “their should be no weight on your left leg courtney”, but unfortunately I still need to live. I still need to cook. I still need to eat and shower. I feel like my world has stopped. But it hasn’t.

Its time like this, I wished I lived closer to family. I am alone. Yes, I do have friends, but they are all busy. I can’t expect people to just drop everything to help me. That isn’t fair. But just being able to spend time with family, where I don’t feel like such a burden, would be nice. It is times like these, where I start to feel excited about my future, about next year.

Thank you for reading and for the messages I received from my last blog. They all mean the world to me. Thank you XX

 

 

im such an idiot…

wow – what a weekend. Again, I am very sorry for not posting last week, but I can guarantee that this post will make up for it!

So, I have had a pretty unusual weekend. Yesterday, I woke up (obvs), went to work and went and played my netball game, just like I do every week. I got through the first quarter of netball (which for me, is a miracle in itself. I don’t think I have played one game this season without having to come off because I’ve injured myself). I was playing wing attack, and was ready to get the first centre pass of the second quarter. Next minute, I am on the ground, screaming. I wonder what has happened..

After getting lifted off court, attended to by the first aid officer at the netball courts and then later taken to the Wakefield Sports Clinic, I can confirm that I have torn my ACL – yay. Although, it is only a slight tear, it is still a tear and I can tell you right now I am in a lot of pain lol.

Anyways, I thought I would express how hard it is to do anything!! When I was younger, I used to think that hurting my ankle/leg would be awesome, because I could use crutches and like show them off – I was sooooo wrong. I literally got them earlier today, used them for about 30 minutes and was ready to throw them out the window.

But like, even simple tasks like going grocery shopping, walking down stairs, walking anywhere are just so hard. I had to get my brother to take me grocery shopping today because I had no food and couldn’t go shopping alone… I think i’ll have to start using woolies online now, ah damn.

So from here, I will be seeing an orthopaedic surgeon to discuss whats next. Maybe surgery? or maybe just a lot of rehab. But like my knee looks like a balloon – sooo swollen haha it kinda feels cool to touch, like its all soft and mushy ew. But this also means I cant work for a few weeks – kinda hard to teach kids to swim if I can’t walk (or swim), so I better find some decent movies to watch, because I really can’t do anything else. At all.

I was a little bit upset and depressed yesterday. I was at the hospital by myself and then came home to an empty house. And all I wanted was a tub of ice-cream. But, a) the shops were closed, b) I couldn’t really drive and c) I wasn’t paying $5 delivery on uber eats for a $5 ice cream. So instead, to drown my sorrows, I went to bed… cheaper solution. But today, I have still been a bit down. Just the realisation that I can no longer do some things, I cant go for my long beach walks, I can’t lie in bed because I need to keep going downstairs to get the ice from the freezer and again, I was alone. I have just realised that what were tasks I never had to think about, now are basically impossible to complete. It is going to be a long road to recovery, but I will get there.

So, if anyone is up for a movie night with ice cream, hit me up – thats about all I will be doing for the next month or so.

Thanks for reading and if you have any good Netflix shows to recommend, let me know!! XX

 

lets chat

And just like that, all my planned holidays are over! During the week, I returned from my last planned holiday and I am actually very sad about it. As you all know, I love to travel and I always like to have a holiday planned or booked. But not anymore. You don’t understand how much this hurts me.

For me, travel gives me something to look forward too. I work super hard to get to do what I do. I get asked, ‘how do you afford to travel?’, like all the time. And no, I don’t have a side business selling drugs, I simply work super hard. At the moment, I juggle two jobs on top of uni. I seriously do not have a day spare. But unfortunately, in order to live up to my lavish travel ambitions, this is what I have to do. And to me, the reward (travel), is what keeps me going! And I need this motivation to complete my last EVER semester of uni. I am actually so excited. I am over it. I do not want to write any more essays on theories that I don’t even remember! Please just give me a job, in a school, where I can be me lol.

I have been preparing for uni today, and have realised this will be my last time preparing for a semester – no way. I have worked super hard to get this far (just like everyone else who graduates with a degree!). University is hard. Studying education, I do not have many contact hours, but the work outside of uni is quite large. I receive a lot of comments from people, “do you even do anything at uni?”, yes I do thank you very much. Just because I am not at uni 9-5, 5 days a week, studying engineering, I still have work to do. In fact, my assignments are HUGE. We plan unit plans (around 6 weeks of work) in one assignment, OR wiring a lengthy essay on theories on how students learn – intense stuff! So yes, I do study (a lot), I do attend uni and I have had enough.

As you are probably thinking, yes I do have large travel plans for the next year lol. Next year will be my ‘gap year’. I decided to not have a gap year straight from school. I think this was a suitable decision for me, as I simply believe I would have not gone back to study. Plus, I never would have met the people I have, both at college and uni. As I was saying, next year I will be taking a bit of a holiday, i’m thinking Camp America and a road trip around the states??? Because, once I get a job, my time to travel will be limited. But I guess I probably will need to work? maybe?

Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you so much for still reading along to my crazy posts! I regularly receive comments from people who have related to a specific post, and this makes me very happy! That is exactly what I want hah – plus it also tells me you’re reading them, which also makes me happy! I am trying to post more often from now on, but lets see how that goes? But I have so much more content that I want to write about, so I better hey?

Thank you so much for reading and I love you all xxxx

im back … but not for long!

After a long, exhausting but amazing trip to Seoul, I am finally back! Don’t get me wrong, I had the best time, exploring a different city and county, trying different food, trying to make our way around the Seoul subway system with no Korean language knowledge whatsoever and making new friends, but I am glad to be home!

I wasn’t really sure what to expect when arriving in Seoul. Would it be similar to Indonesia? Or more like Australia? But it wasn’t different, a good different. The city itself was huge. A very vibrant city. Walking down some of the main ‘shopping’ streets, I found myself comparing to other major cities I have previously visited. I was getting a bit of a New York City vibe to be completely honest – almost as many foreigners roaming around too!

One thing that I will not miss is the food. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed trying different traditional Korean dishes, but I just wasn’t sold. Everything was either fried (chicken, pork) or rice. Nothing in between! I was just craving a bowl of lettuce, because I don’t think I ate one vegetable when I was away. They just don’t exist in Korea. The only way you will consume a vegetable, is when it has been pickled or fermented… not really the way I like to eat my veggies, how about you? I cannot wait to devour a HUGE bowl of stirfry tonight, eating my body weight in veggies! I have never been more excited in my life.

Although I was there for a study tour, it did feel more like a holiday! From the photos I have posted you are probably wondering when I actually did study?? Well, I did hah. Anyways, one of the best things I did when I was away, was taking a K-Pop class! If you have never listened to K-Pop before, do yourself a favour and give it a listen. I guarantee you will be surprised. I am obsessed. Who knew that music in another language could be so great. I have no idea what they are saying, but I like to think people are impressed when I sing what I think they are saying!

I am off to Brisbane tomorrow, because I really don’t like staying in the same place. I am visiting my mum, dad and buddy (dog), who I haven’t seen for a few months! I have been to Brisbane and the Gold Coast, but not for awhile. I am excited to explore more of my own country! I seem to only travel overseas. But we have so much here in Australia to see, I just need to find the time to see it all!

I hope to get back into my normal routine and post more often. Have been super lazy lately, sorry! But for now, it is currently 6:30pm and I am about ready for bed. I HATE overnight flights. Like they wake you up at 4am for breakfast. It is not breakfast time at 4am. Please just let me sleep!  But that is what I am doing now. So thanks again for reading, I hope you are still enjoying my posts! XX

South Korea? No way!

hello and welcome back! I think I might change my posting day to Sunday now – just seems more practical for me now, ya know. I thought I would start with like a little response on last weeks post. So I got quite a few messages from people asking if I was ok – I was fine! The post sounded a little bit more depressing than how I actually was feeling. I guess I just got so caught up with the words that I was thinking and writing and wrote like I was the loneliest person on the planet, but I really wasn’t!

But todays post is positive – I promise! So I am heading off to South Korea on Saturday (yay). South Korea? Why would I go to South Korea? Well, I am actually going on a Study Tour for uni – like how awesome! I was just super fortunate that I was a) given this opportunity and b) actually able to go. So I applied and had my interview for this trip when I was in Buffalo. I remember very vividly having my interview the day I went to a Bills game (American football btw) and we watched the whole game in a snow storm. I was freezing. I have literally never been that cold in my life. Anyways, the cold weather really took it out of me. The interview was 1:30pm (Monday) Adelaide time, which was 9:00pm (Sunday night) Buffalo time. So when we got back from the game, I spent the next hour in the shower to thaw out and then the next three hours napping. I set my alarm for 8:30pm for the interview, had the interview and then went to sleep.

That last paragraph was a bit of a side note, but everyone should know by now that I am a huge advocate for travelling and taking every opportunity that you get. You learn so much about yourself, your country, other countries, cultures, traditions and food, that you simply cannot experience sitting at home. Well you could watch youtube videos, etc, but thats beside the point. What I am trying to say is I take every (well most) opportunities I get. First, Buffalo and now South Korea. What a lot of people don’t know, is that the universities have a lot of money available for funding, grants and scholarships when it comes to these trips. My entire South Korea study tour was payed for (apart from like $100 plus spending money), and I got quite a large grant when I went to America. Don’t get me wrong, you do need to be somewhat financial, as there are added costs which you may not be aware of, however, I truly believe it is better to be poor with money, but rich in experiences. This is the motto I live by, and this explains why I never have a large sum of money in my bank account.

South Korea will be an amazing experience for me, I am very excited to see what it will be like. I think that South Korea is such an underrated country in Asia. You don’t hear of many people heading to South Korea for a holiday. The primary focus of this tour is the STEM program (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics). We will be heading to various schools, kindy’s etc, to see how they incorporate STEM into their school. This will be awesome, as the emphasis on STEM in Australia is insane!

So this will mean that I may not get the chance to post in the next coming weeks. When I return, I FINALLY get to see my bestie Tilly after a year of being apart! But then I head to Brisbane the next day to see my parents, so a super busy next few weeks of travelling for me – remember my life motto? I just cannot help myself!

Thank you all again for reading and for all the messages etc. I truly love that you love reading my posts! XX